The first week of school is under my belt and after reviewing all the requests for money from the girls schools, I’ve decided to approach this the way the Big Leagues do:

By looking for corporate sponsors and offering up naming rights to our house.

The way I look at it, my kids are a helluva lot cuter than most professional athletes and far more likely to maintain their reputation and not get caught in some seedy situation. They’re personable, well spoken and available for all media interviews and press conferences. The maintenance fees at our house are much cheaper than Bank of America Stadium and you won’t even have to hire a kitchen staff since they all know how to cook!

Yes, I realize that Chase already has official naming rights to my house, but I’m thinking they should pony up for a big sign on the front of the house that reads “Chase Players Stadium”. They would swell in pride knowing that their sponsorship paid for:

1. 4th grade class fees: $30
2. 6th grade cotillion fees: $110
3. 8th grade cotillion fees: $110
4. 8th grade locker & gym fees: $30
5. 8th grade trip to DC: $275
6. Attire for upcoming wedding: $250
7. 8th grade graphing calculator: $150
8. 4th grade Girl Scout uniform & supplies: $50
9. 6th grade Girl Scout uniform & supplies: $50
10. Girl Scout camping trip: $50

And this friends, is just what we have to dole out in September. I’m sure that I have forgotten a few and I didn’t even add a certain someone’s 14th birthday who also falls in this month.

Not a bad deal for a major corporation looking to embrace the community with its warmth and generosity! So, if you work for or know a company looking for a unique sponsorship, have them reach out to me so we can work on details and contracts.

Just please – no tattoos or other permanent fixtures. A mother has to draw the line somewhere, you know?

Kristen

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Last updated by Kristen Daukas at 13 October, 2012.